so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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