I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
