Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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