Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Randomize
