The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
