Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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