We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
