she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You've changed since you got that strap on
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
