Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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