OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
