dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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