he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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