I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize