So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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