They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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