Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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