at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
