Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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