he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
