I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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