Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
