The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
