He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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