dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
