Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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