Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
