I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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