Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
