I just pynch a tree in the face
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
