Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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