she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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