The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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