What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
