I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
