went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
