then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
