I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
