Your mouth is God's brothel.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
