a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
