You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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