My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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