Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
