This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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