Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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