Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
