I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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