Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
