we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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