I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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