dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Duck Duck Cougar?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
