Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
