how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
