i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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