While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
