Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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