I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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