what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
