Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
