he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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