what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
