In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
