if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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