i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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