Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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