How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
