i permit you to call me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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