We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
